Life Lessons...

My 7 year old, Aiden,threw his retainer away along with his lunch trash at school.  After calling his dad to school, they searched through a couple of likely garbage bags to no avail...the retainer was gone.  I had been prepared for this, frankly I was surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

We explained to Aiden that a replacement retainer would cost $100 and asked how he wanted to pay for it.  After a short conversation, it was decided that we would hold his ipod as collateral, until he did $100 worth of jobs.  {He's 7...the $100 worth of jobs was enough that he felt he worked hard, and was inconvenienced by the chores but not so much that child labor laws were violated!}  After a visit to the orthodontist, a new retainer was back in his mouth a week later.

Aiden lost his retainer again...two days after he got the new one.  My husband texted me at work and I asked him to refrain from death and/or dismemberment until I got home.  Ugh...we did everything right the first time...seriously what are we going to do now?  The first conversation was something like, "Aiden, we're pretty angry this time so you'll have to wait until we have an idea of how you can pay for a second retainer..." {there might have been some yelling...}he stewed for quite a while.

Since the ipod was still on the top of the refrigerator as collateral for the first thrown away retainer, we decided that the price for the second thrown away retainer was a month of grounding from technology.  No TV, no computer, no ipod, no video games...no technology unless it was directly related to learning at school.  It...was...a...long...month...for...all...of...us!

Now, however, the jobs have been completed...technology has been reinstated...and Aiden has a new habit.  He must always wear shorts or pants that have a pocket, so that he can carry a retainer case.  His retainer doesn't come out of his mouth unless he has a case to put it in.  We even got permission from the orthodontist for Aiden to eat with it in his mouth should the need arise.

Life lessons for all of us!
New habits...

I shared this post on Weekend Bloggy Reading with Amanda at Serenity Now...go visit the party!

Life Lessons...

Connar is a soccer player.  This spring, we realized he needed new cleats and decided to treat him to a "cool" pair.  He's been looking around for a while and had finally picked out the perfect pair of cleats.

Last weekend, his team traveled about three hours out of town for their game.  Our family arrived at the field about an hour before the warm-up.  Time for the boys to run around and play, time for a snack before the game, time to stretch our legs.  Connar wasn't out of the truck for 5 minutes before he came back with a worried look on his face.  "Did you pack my cleats?"  "No buddy, packing your bag is your job."  After a few minutes of digging through the bag, he knew he'd forgotten his cleats.

Cue the iPhone search for a sporting goods or big box store.  We navigated our way several blocks to the store and crossed our fingers that they would have soccer cleats.  There was in fact one pair of cleats that fit Connar.  Perfectly serviceable, though bottom-of-the-line soccer cleats.  As he was tying them and checking the fit he said, "These will work for today."  I smiled a little sadly, and said, "Oh no buddy, these are your new cleats."

Understanding dawned.  His eyes welled up and he nodded.  "Maybe in the fall, I can get the cool ones?"  "We'll see kiddo...why don't you remember these on our next traveling game day?" "Oh I will mommy, I won't forget again!"

More Mom Tips for Video Games...

My kids love their video games…they have a Wii, an X-Box, Nintendo DS’s, and they each have an iPod touch.  If left alone, they would certainly play video games until their brains were sucked out of their heads.

I think that’s a concern of many parents.  Are video games ok for my kids?  Why won’t they stop playing?  Ever?

In my opinion, video games are a great opportunity to teach kids about moderation.  I want them to be able to indulge in something they enjoy but also to know where the line is between fun and addiction, between indulging and over-indulging.  Here are some strategies we’ve used in our family…

• When my oldest first started playing games, I created “tickets” for him using 3x5 note cards.  Prior to allowance, this was a currency he understood.  Each ticket represented 30 minutes of screen time…TV, computer or video games and he was able to earn and redeem tickets.  We put a timer by the gaming systems and he set the timer before he started to play.  This helped reinforce the idea of playing for shorter periods of time.

• Eventually the tickets themselves, wore out and I never replaced them.  The phrase, “Can I play a ticket?” has persisted however and 30 minutes seems like a reasonable amount of time.  The boys understand that “forgetting” to set their timer results in losing the opportunity to continue playing for that day.

• My husband and I have also grounded the gaming systems.  When the boys argue over which games are going to be played, whose turn it is to choose, whose cheating…then we know it’s time for the games to be grounded.

• Our boys understand the video game rating system.  They know that they are welcome to play any E (Everybody) rated game.  T (Teen) games require a parent’s permission to play.  I like to check on why it’s rated T, my boys aren’t allowed to play games that use guns and I don’t like blood violence.  Finally, M (Mature) games aren’t allowed.  This is another teachable opportunity.  Their friends all have different rules for games that can be played.   The boys are learning that different families have different rules.  They are expected to follow our “House Rules” even when they are playing somewhere else.  They also ask friends who are visiting if the friends are allowed to play our games.  It’s not an easy lesson to learn but I believe it’s important. 

• Finally, they have had a chance to learn budgeting skills with their iPod touch.  Our whole family shares an iTunes account.  The boys have purchased iTunes gift cards and added the $10 to the account.  In their “Notes” section, they keep a running total of apps/games they have downloaded, subtracting from the initial $10.  This is challenging for my first grader, but each time he downloads an app I help him with the balance.  This has worked out very well for both kids.  They have the freedom to add to their app collection, but the accountability to the family not to overspend on the account.

These are some strategies that have worked well for us…how do you help your kids manage video games?

Talking to the Boys...

I'm a science teacher.  With a degree in Health Education.  In my house that qualifies me to be that parent...you know the one who talks to the kids.  About sex. And other things.

The other night, Kyle was at work, Aiden was at a birthday party and Connar and I were working on a project.  It was the kind of project that required attention, but not a lot of thought.  As a teacher, I have noticed that when kids are engaged in something that requires their attention but not a lot of thought, they tend to open up more.  Something about not making eye contact, but being able to listen and talk is a freeing opportunity.

So, I took advantage of the opportunity and asked if he had any questions.  If he had heard anything he didn't understand.  If he was wondering anything.  And after a couple of minutes he said that he had heard something on TV and wondered what it was.  Without looking at me, he asked me if I knew what masturbation was.

And I was glad that I was looking at my project and not at him.  Glad that I could take a couple of seconds to catch my breath and think.  I was glad that he had asked.  Glad that we had time to ourselves when we could have a conversation.  I took a moment to remember that I wanted him to ask me.  That I had an answer.  I took a moment to be thankful that I was, in that moment, his confident.  I also had to remember that I believe kids need information, and facts, that are appropriate to the question asked.  And I talked to him. 

After about three minutes he said, "That's all I want to hear about that Mommy.  I'll ask you again later when I want to hear more."

Ok, punkin'  Let's take this growing up thing one step at a time.

Breakfast and Ballots...

There has been lots of media attention to the mid-term elections, signs posted on every corner and commercials on TV.  Since our county votes through mail-in ballots, we use our ballots as a teachable moment.

While the boys ate breakfast, Kyle and I completed our ballots.  We didn't have too many races that were important, but there were several initiatives, resolutions and bills.  Connar helped us by looking them up in our Voter's Guide, and we deciphered the wording together.  As Kyle and I both belong to unions, we also took into account the perspective of those unions.  Connar asked great questions and actually helped us clarify our thoughts.

I believe strongly that what we model makes a more powerful impression on our children than what we say...and we had more fun voting!

Bullies...

The media is full of stories of bullies and bullying lately.  I know that when I send my children off into the world, it's my fervent wish that the world will treat them well.  Sadly, that's not always the case.

I have had mixed feelings about some of the public response regarding the responsibilities of schools.  There are bullying situations that need the intervention of adults and, I agree,  schools and teachers do indeed have a responsibility to keep children safe.  However, I strongly believe that the primary responsibility for our children's safety begins at home. 

I need to be the first person to teach my children how to treat others.  I need to recognize that my attitudes and behavior will be a stronger teacher than my words, and treat others the way I expect my children to treat others.  I need to talk to them every day about how their words and behavior affect other people.  By calling attention to times they treat people with kindness and respect, I can reinforce that kind of behavior.  I need to know who my children's friends are and know their parents.  My children need to be supervised.

I can also help my children handle teasing.  I often refer to Love & Logic strategies in parenting and they have several resources that deal with teasing and bullying at different ages.  That link will take you to a great L & L article about teasing.  I talk with my kids about things they can say and responses to bullying or teasing situations. We practice so that when they need the skill, they know what to do.  This also helps them stand up for other kids.  I know there are extreme situations that require adult help and I am not talking about those.  There are so many opportunities for my kids to stand up for themselves with a cool look or a quick comeback...and all of these will lessen the chances of a more extreme situation.

Yes, I want the world to handle my children with kid gloves.  I want them to be super stars where ever they go and I want everyone to recognize their brilliance and wonderfulness!  That's not the world we live in though, and there are so many things I can do at home to prepare my kids for the real world...and then the real world may appreciate them more. 

Life Lessons...

Awhile ago, I published this post about Allowance and the strategies that work for our family.  The system was test this past weekend, when Connar bounced a check!


Ok, ok, he's 11 and doesn't really have a checking account...

Typically, when the boys want to spend their money, they need to have their wallet with them.  This way, they know how much they have and money can change hands in the moment.  I made an exception on Saturday.  We had been out all day at a Football Jamboree and were stopping at a toy store on the way home.  The boys had just done their weekly jobs and knew how much money they had.  So I made an exception.

When we got home, I asked them to pay me back before they played with the new toys.  Connar opened his wallet and had nothing.  He teared up.  He over reacted.  He cried.

When he calmed down, he remembered that he's spent some money previously.  He didn't remember putting money into savings - which surprised me.  I said, "So it looks like you bounced a check.  You promised a payment with money that you didn't have.  How would you like to solve this problem?"  I expected him to say he'd pay for it out of savings, he had plenty in his account.  After a couple I don't know's, Connar asked if he could pay me back with extra jobs and next week's allowance.  So, we went with Repossession and Repayment.  


His new toy is sitting on top of the refrigerator, and there is a sticky note on the refrigerator door.  He's already done $2.00 worth of extra jobs and he scrounged $1.48 out of his bedroom.  I declined to accept the free chalupa coupon as payment.

I wonder how long it will take him to pay back the remaining $9.15?